So I let her know I would not be giving it to her but she was welcome to buy it when I was ready to sell it and told her I hoped it wouldnt ruin our relationship. All done to hide who they really are & what they are actually doing to you, PURE EVIL, This is however not about us His response: It is nothing, you are absolutely crazy, we just were having a good time. Eden your post could have been written by me. Sadly I still Love him dearly, despite losing everything & him calling the Police & threatening to get me put in Jail !!!!!!!!!!. In your situation it must be even harder. She may see the resemblance and clue in. it feels like a heavy drugs that i am an addict of. Thank you so much for writing this. He lies and lies and covers with excuses and tries to deflect blame. I kept secretly hoping she would hoover me and we'd go back to Low Contact, improve the friendship. Over time the demands became more intense, he lost more and more interest in me. I can tolerate that but not abuse. In any case, tiredofliars8 and I sound like we went through a lot of the same kinds of things with a very similar personality type. Pretty silly aspirations huh!? The only difference is theyll resort to telling you that your weaknesses are the reasons why youll never find anyone to love you as much as them. Keep it that way. My narc was beautiful. He didnt move hug me or clinch. I was virtually approached and aggressively followed-up with by a guy when visiting another city. When I finally called him out on his need for attention via social media and with her, guess what he did? The healing here is astonishing. I did..and regretted it of course. Women narcs can be especially nasty. Thanks Kim, could it be because he is about to lose the family home and go bankrupt. To try to avoid manipulating situations for my sole benefit and playing on peoples weaknesses, which I conceded Im fairly good at but no narc master. Also a person who I do not know personally contacted me and told me I was brave to return. What do you mean with they never let you go ? I just told her I was sincerely sorry for the news and hung up. If your narcissist ex discarded you and just disappeared one day, it was because your behavior was so intolerable, they had to get out. First thougt no dont believe it.. I left my Narc after finding out about other women and he was stealing from people that he was supposedly doing roofs for. Hi Jan, thanks for sharing your experience. [] Hoovering Creating the false illusion that he/she is sorry for their cruelty. This means that 4-5 people out of 100 you know are these creatures!! Mothers of their children, doesn't matter. So all we have to do now is learn to Love Ourselves as much as we Loved them without them. Now i think on my timeline of my life. The only reason why there was any communication in April of this year is because he was snooping on my LinkedIn profile. So i have got to stay strong. Reality They dont love you; they only need you for supply and domination. The police came and he flat out lied and omitted the part about him hitting me, only told them I hit him, and they ended up taking ME to jail for battery because at some point between me calling the police and them showing up there, HE scratched his own face and told them I did that when I hit him. The illness ot causes tumors has been back for 10 months.New and long gone with the other woman, I am not part of his circle of friends and family. And make no mistake: the BPD will be laughing/orgasming with their Newest Vessel as you plummet to your death. Helpt me with the car etc.. But i am so F.. volanerble I feel i am not over him yet. Make no mistake; they have conditioned us to expect it. Anyone have the feeling after all is said and done withthe narcissist that your love life is a joke. I caution all men that it is fun to have a beauty on your arm but at what cost. There are plenty of normal, healthy friendships you can seek out, and I would suggest you do that. So be careful. She chose a guy like you, because she knew she could hurt you. He never asks how is son is doing and apparently loves him so much and thinks about him all the time. In many cases, they are even harder to get over. It worked! part of me doesnt want to do that because i want to see him coming in the event he tries something. Because narcissists only connect with people who provide narcissistic supply. They always have to keep that web in the background intact, and youre a part of it now. What woman would fall for that coming from a married man with two small children?? I think he keeps me going on daily basis but pain is enormous. yes, he is fearful of my presence and tells the kidss, I dont want your mother anywhere near me, lol. Funny thing is I told therapist he picked tohelp us that I wanted out but was afraid. Do what your spirit tells you. He deserves a happy, whole mom who can take care of him. We must find a way to give it to ourselves. Particularly w/ timingwhile there is no specific time frame or predictive behavior about how narcs gauge how much time is enough time before returning, Ive had seen instances where some have shown up about 6 months after they pull away and acting as if what theyve done, said or why they decided to pull away, mattered. Unlike alot of other stories Ive read; he treated me pretty well for the 2 years we were together. I feel for you but IF you knew he was cheating on you and you stayed, get some good therapy and heal. Theyre looking to see how easy it is to reach out, how likely it is that person would respond if they did reach out, and the quality of narcissistic supply they would get based on the level of effort theyd have to put in. When I was told ten years ago I had brain tumor over the phone I was on my way to therapy. He is tired of my games, so I said enough with the bs Im worth more then this and I want more then this, I felt stuck and thats no way to live. Often, in the process of self-discovery, we learn enough about ourselves to stop attracting and/or desiring people who are black holes. However, he did do the character assassination and tried to make me look like the crazy one. it makes me sad.. i pitty him but he can use this agains me when the monster comes back. When I was a kid, like 5 years old or something my best friend had a German Shepard dog as a pet. They only sometimes and realy view times they have a connection with his heart. Its normal if youve been in a relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath to try to read the signs and figure out how to know if a narcissist is finished with you. There is Always some way to give a sign of living. They are ALL relevant ( in my humble opinion) As with all emotions, it can be used positively or negatively. You know that it wouldnt be in your best interest. It is all a game to them I hope. It doesn't matter if you're the mother of their children. In order to prove your love to a narcissist, you must surrender all power and control to them and become a real-life marionette, whose only purpose is to enhance the narcissists false image, take care of their every need, and accept their self-serving abuse. Theyre the ones who do the dumping. what if one day she will come forward and say.. Mine definitely sees me as his saving grace and fought hard to have some kind of contact with me. When I lent it to her, we were actually about as close as friends as we had been, and spoke on the phone several times over the next month after lending her the money. Since you mentioned that they usually come back eventually after using the silent treatment, do you think she will come back around? I doubt it seriously, but thanks for the input. I know he has three kids, and apparently he is a great father. The male I spent 7-1/2 years with is obsessed with his ex-girlfriend and her brother-in-law and has been for nearly 25 years. Its unsettling as well as infuriating. Also, relationship between the BPD and NPD. You will kick yourself for thinking his presence will make you happy. Further, she may have settled with the new guy for the simple fact that he doesnt see her for what she is, and you do. If you caught up with her about them, she would generally express remorse and apologize. Keep up the good work. Narcs cant hide their true selves for long. I left my ex in March because the fights kept escalating and he was becoming increasingly disrespectful. AMONGST 14 OTHER PPL. The more attached you are, the harder it is to see what is them and what is you (and we all play a part in the narcissists game). Im sure the new girl has questioned him about this and of course they can spin it to look like you were the b-tch all along or that you are jealous of his new love but one day she will see the truth and my guess is she has already and will be adding 2 and 2. The only other option is that he is a Narc or Psycho who is playing her worse than she is playing him, LOL. Generally, when confronted he gets super nasty..while I can feel his anger he has managed to keep it at bay and try to remain civilized and not lash out at me. There will be another. I love myself through you. Anyway, Saturday, I get two texts; the first one was Good Afternoon. Many factors might go into the decision, but those factors all play a role in whether they will try to hoover someone else or not. Hes shown you his true nature, and that will never change, as you know. A lot of the features look the same. The Narcissist will make their partner feel incredible, and have answers to seemingly everything. I ran over and tapped on the window and was abruptly told to go away and the guy in the drivers seat was her brother. Thanks for stopping by and sharing. By the time my second child was born zero affection, intimacy the mask started to fall and he knew that I knew! Then, if he does come back aroun. I cut him off at least 4 times the first 3 years I tried to be friends. I just got an email last week after 7 years. This gave me some food for thought. Sometimes when I read the articles, I get paranoid that Im the empath, or Im paranoid Im the narc. Apologies, bit late. Anyway, I never got a response from my last text and Im sure exs buddies got on the horn and passed the word that this man was driving my car. His last tekst was that he is aware that he makes people missarable. In short, they never really let their exes go. In the last year, he started being physically, emotionally, financially and even spiritually abusive. But we are on to him now. I went from the frying pan to the fire!! Much appreciated. He said I was thinking stupid and that there was nothing there Next thing you know he ended it with me, totally ended it. I want to tell her the truth about him but wont, it would make me look crazy and she wont believe me. Hugs. Shouting that has a lot of problems on his head and how dare i claim him so much i was embarassed for my family to hear so i said with a harder voice to go through him.. `Yes my mother is ok she is worried but feels good.!! He initially said he wanted a divorce, I said fine but your gonna pay (married 20 years yeah I know pretty stupid) and so we never split up. Stay strong. Let his sin be known and refuse to cover it up for him like he wants you to! I now focus on my recovery, and helping others. But then at some moments it comes back and i miss him. Theyll disappear for a couple of weeks and then pop up out of the blue and start trying to woo the ex. Yess creeving time is gone. I sold my car flat and moved to the area that she lived. All my research and going back into therapy and now reading this page has helped me to understand it wasnt me and there is never enough. So I met with him on Monday. We had some good times together. Either way, you might want to try some of the healing tools here on the site, and check out the suggestions in my recent article, http://letmereach.com/2014/10/06/why-do-i-feel-so-attached-to-my-narcissistic-ex/. To take someone in your live just to feel not alone. I was upset and I confronted him. I was married for 23 years, knew her for 25. Matt, reading your post has my stomach in knots. Not many, just a few. My words to him were I forgive you because I know you are a tortured soul. I hope you get some help because I think you have a lot of potential. This describes to a T the way I have been treated for the last four years I have been conditioned to wait and look forward to the next time we will spend together as she distances / hides away then draws me back in while I make excuses for her when Im asked questions about why she treats me like this . After crying, talking, and crying a lot more, he left, and I closed the door behind him. The best place for us to start is to begin examining why we began to minimize the abuse and accept being mistreated. Please do not underestimate the fear and trauma that a man can cause to a woman and this is not even mentioning the physical violence from the first narc, pinning myself and my baby son to the bed by the neck. I went no contact with him about three weeks ago and it hasnt been easy but also not quite as hard as I expected. It was a crazy roller coaster. My ex did the same. Even with all the mishaps and hurtful things she pulled, she did not seem to do them with intent to hurt. Process of Elimination: Understanding the Why of the Narcissist After the Discard | Rehashbrowns, FAQ Does the Narcissist Miss You After No Contact? In retrospect all those times that she said if you cant get me this or that i will find someone that will I never really appreciated the fact that she meant it. The narcissist will tell you they dont know why the person is contacting them. I am in the very beginning stages of leaving my narcissistic Abuser. Good for you that you feel strong now. The last man shed ever kiss. Theyll use this opportunity to butter you up and tell you how awesome you are, that theyre still in love with you, and if you cant be lovers, theyll settle for just friends. -Financial Exploitation. To call me when i am with my very sick mother and only shouting how many problems HE has so that all the attention and talk about HIM. More often then not, Narcissists are described by their partners as the "perfect man/woman.". Is that the final discard? If you want a stress-free life, Id advise you to run for the hills! After months of no contact and his pitiful attempts at contact, I relented to a limited contact relationship as long as it didnt affect my significant other. He then dragged me by the hair of my head out of our home and locked me out. Your ex WILL contact you again. Its been a week since our last horrific conversation but I am certain that I will hold onto no contact this time. Of course theres the comments that his life is way better than mine, slotting in sly remarks, but trying to maintain the perfect faade that he is untouchable and the dream partner girls drool over That he truly still loves and cares for me laying on the oozing charm and sympathy tears, wanting only friendship. He would order dinner and have it waiting when I got there. Also, if you had ever mentioned to him that you thought he was too materialistic or too sexual then the first thing he wants to do is rub it in your face how he has changed for the new supply. He left. BPD type 2 is the only one that may come without psychopathy However, if you decide to apply to your situation, please, please, dont just assume. cant block so i guess i will filter his msgs to trash. Theyll tell you what you want to hear to tart the cycle of abuse all over again when you implement the NO CONTACT. One of their manipulative tactics is to cut you down and then say they were just kidding. Narcissists, however, in theory, keep everyone with whom they have ever interacted in a web of potential sources of narcissistic supply. Looking back from 20 years ago he had many female friends, and he is also good friends with his ex-GF. Breaking free from her was a relief and the day she died, I felt nothing at all I wasnt relieved, I wasnt sad. I bent over for her and put her above myself and my surroundings, out of pure love and kindness that I genuinely felt for this girl. The end of our relationship with them was likely horrific in some way. She is a handbook case Histrionic. As to the rest of them, with higher or lesser degree of sadism, seeing the Narc actions, as a result of unconscious is exactly what gets/keeps people in trouble. The benign BPD have nothing to do with manipulation etc. I just had a kinda lengthy reply typed here and computer booted me out before I cound send-dammit. Its important to let others know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It is her way of getting back at the people who raised her. All of these behaviors youve listed are par for the course. I was never allow to go to his house because his neighbors hated me, etc. Finally, am I bringing hoovered? She has a bad cocaine problem, and yes I suppose I did try to control that and get her into rehab. Yes loyalty is NOT their strong suit thats for sure. Regarding wanting to have an adult conversation and end things maturely, that typically doesnt happen. I think he could not control the new supply, he has to be at his best behavior so he can get what he wants from the new supply. Sumhow he came driving by my new apartment as I was getting out of my pickup after work. However, I cant and wont tolerate slanderous accusations, blaming and unnecessary and constant fault finding/criticism. When you hit the send button, you never thought the photo would be used against you in a million years. See the end of this post for information about how to read a free previewof my book, which including the first chapter and the pathological love relationship checklist. She said never to contact her again. -Walking on eggshells if you are yourself Everything Im reading is exactly what has been happening in my life. Sadly, it often works. Something told me to start taking pictures of my bruises because no one would ever believe he would do something like this so thats what I did. The question is whether your ex-partner will treat you any differently now that youre no longer together. Im grateful I finally left and grateful I escaped relatively unscathed. Cry, scream, get up, hug ur son, cry some morethere will be months of crying and feeling good then feeling bad again, missing him. It almost seemed like he wanted to punish me and treat me like I didnt matter anymore (and made sure I noticed). Im not a closet psycho waiting for the perfect opportunity to freak out on you and tell you that I love you so much that I want you to be my mommy and slap me silly with a wooden spoon on Tuesdays or anything I just am trying to figure out a way to tell you what Im feeling for you and its very difficult because I dont think I really understand what I am feeling. Weeks before she blocked me, she exclaimed that I was such an AMAZING friend, and I have the biggest, most caring heart of anyone she knows. Haha! I am sane enough to get away from him and no longer put up with his narcissistic, messed up personality. And they are not happy in their new life. At this point, my no contact on him was 36 days. 1. Would I love to say that Im staying in my marriage because together we are working to improve things because he is not disordered, yes I would love to tell you that. He wont even consider that he has ANY issues. She would constantly leave me, make me beg, then come back promising me the world and how I was the love of her life she wanted to get married, have babies etc. My ex narc recently started calling and texting after 9 months of silence. I must have had sucker written on my forehead. A retired state trooper who is really sweet. I wish you well, my brother. Im still trying to get over a 10-year thing with a narc woman. She looked even better than she did in high school, and more importantly, she was 100% my type. A Punishable Offence, probably none of us were aware of with a Life Sentence !!.. Many things keep us bound to narcissists far longer than they should. I meant that sometimes really nice, trusting people lack adequate boundaries. I became recluse. They wont ever leave if we do. Hes above the law and honestly theres no justice when dealing with these mental idiots. This thought helps me in my recovery because it gives me all the answers I need. I think the hardest part for me now is accepting what he is. If I have a problem he is good because of course they always know the right things to say. And then you later found out that they were, in fact, in contact? Through talking with friends and learning about the situation i am in, i believe i will and can brave the storm. There are things in you that have become a part of me in some way things that fill a void that had been around for a while regardless of who I was or wasnt dating, things that make me incredibly happy and incredibly confused, things that make me alive. I nicely asked him for respect and told him what he was doing was verbally abusive. We analyze to death just to understand. I have been going to therapy for the month and will be moving out next month. This is my first encounter with a narcissist. Then, the narcissist will go to all your mutual friends, and if theyre really brave, your family members and start telling them how much of a terrible partner you were and how they suffered at your hands. I see that he runs with other narcs, and victims like me. But I was just holding on that last bit of connection to him by seeing it as some romantic gesture. My reply to this comment of yours, came up as a comment to Kim. [Read: The Real Narcissistic Abuse Cycle: Why You Cant Go No Contact]. What do you think? Now i am living by myself. Instead, you should be grateful that someone accepts you as you are, and how dare you even think you can find someone better. Its a part of who he is. We should have a LAT relation. Try to research on thisNPD is included in BPD, if its a Psychopathic BPD. He started putting likes on my posts on Instagram. As I stated, there was no falling out between us. You cant imagine how many of us went (or are still going) through the same hell as you This blog is one of the best I have ever found since I woke up in 2007, for reliable, thorough, and most of all not judgmental info. The sex was the most wonderful thing Id ever experienced in my life. It has been five months since I last spoke with her, four months since I received a text, and three months since she blocked me from facebook. Hi Kim, thanks for your input. Does that mean hes getting ready to hoover me? The only reason theyve mentioned therapy is to manipulate you. I am angry with myself because i did not stay strong. Hes a lost cause unfortunately. He was cool and calm and thought he was in control until I declined his offer with certainty. Yours might just slither away to the next supply. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find peace and the strength to forgive yourself for the things you have done and to move forward with this new insight into yourself so that you begin to recognize that its never too late to strive to be your best self. I am certain she has done this over and over and over. In all you wrote what stood out for me is your son. Its a long, hard road but you have to start now at the bottom and work your way back to yourself. []. Because we did everything together there is a lot of memories. He knows i should drifting on pink clouds when he contacts me. Thanks Kimberly! we are merly targets to feed him . This is the biggest mistake you can make when going no contact with your narcissist. The narcissist knows that as soon as their current relationship fails, theyve got someone to run to who is willing and waiting to take them back. Im so sorry to say this to u because I know how u feel. So now i confessed that i miss him to and our love and laughter. Mind u I was not shy to express my erratic side in therapy so we can be given the help we needed while being our selves and not some fake person who will gain nothing from therapy. First, I had the internet shut off in his name and re-opened in my name a month ago; second, he should have shut the cable off when he left but he has left it on. I love being the object of your sacrifice. Your story sounds almost identical to mine. Yet so ready to embrace a new lease on life . It lasted a week and I kicked him out. Im sorry, and I do hope you forgive me for the abrupt end and all pain that you have experienced as a result of my actions. So we see the damaged person still walking around cloaking their pain and we feel for them. I dont deny that I was very tough with him at times and what might be considered not very nice (I was trying to protect myself from being hurt and taken advantage of). It is a shock to one to realize that you were not in the real world at age 60. He didnt understand because he thought we would be friends i only agreed to keep the peace but as I told you, when I thought about it I realized he had no right to have any access to me. His kids are apparently very well behaved, and maybe he deals with her much like he does his kids. To answer your question, true Narcissists cannot be friends to anyone. It's just another narcissistic tactic for casting doubt, instilling anxiety, and retaining basic control over your emotions. If someone wants to be part of it good. He however has alluded to pot and cocaine use. There is nothing going on. If you find that its too much to handle on your own, you may want to consider joining us in The Essential No Contact Bootcamp. With all of their comings and goings, its naturalto wonder ifthis time, when they leave, its the final time. Wow! Angry ones.Why he does those things. Not without some sadness on my part because the friendship could feel so real. Get any documentation together that you can that might prove your Ex isnt fit to be your childs primary custodian,which might include any threatening texts and emails, any charges he may have against him for abuse, drugs, or alcohol. Im sure this has been a tough time for you, and it has been for me as well. I did try to fix him. I could never please her. 1. On the other hand, if youre aware of this, and changing the narcissist isnt your motivation, you just know they need a real friend in their life, then go ahead. Will my narcissist hoover? The high you get with them is fantastic. He brung sun where their was so much darkness . Theyll seek out your biggest weakness, insecurity, or theyll touch on something they know will really hurt you, and theyll go all out with it. And now when she is in distress what does she expect me to do? To summarize: Your narcissist keeps coming back, and remains fixated on you, because it is the easiest and quickest way to get a fix of Narcissistic Supply. Or dealing with the pain of loss/heartbreak. ! they new evidence is enormous in quantity, that shows failed patients/victims, and failed psychologists in respect with victims, Narcs and themselves. . He looked hurt but Im glad I was able to say that to him because it provided closure for me. Always. When we met, he expected me to go (I declined) and expressed my concern that he wanted to go without me. Eden, in response to your question: I was responding to tiredofliars8 specifically (just in case you thought I was responding to you). This is the point I look back on and realise I was so in love with her the rational part oif my brain stopped working. Hes like so you dont care about the kids? Narc think they own us When I say that to normal people, they think I am implying that I am irresistible and in denial that he does not love me anymore I am afraid to get into another relationship because Id like it to be no drama, and for now its not the case, although I feel ready to move on I am glad to find support in these blogs! I learned my lessons over and over again until i was conditioned to not be my outgoing, confident self and be subservient to her will and desires.
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